You Will Ask Yourself

Someday you will stop and ask yourself, "Why am I drinking cow's milk?"

Year Break From School

Hi universe.

I am going to be taking a year long break from school.  This will be a time of self-reflection and giving back to my family.  I am sick and tired of being in school 24/7, having to ignore my husband and daughters to write papers and having to do something that my heart truly isn't in.  I have always seen myself as a person with a degree, possibly even higher degrees, but right now I don't really know what career, if any, I want for myself.  Plus, I realize that the time I have with my daughters right now while they are still young is precious, and I don't want to waste it by being depressed over which major I have to choose, and then tired and cranky from the workload.  It all seemed so simple before, but I have realized that school is having more of a negative impact on my life than a positive one.  When I go to school I want to know that I am doing it for the right reasons and that I am studying something I am passionate about.  I just don't feel that right now.

I will use this year to work on being a better wife and mom.  I have been neglecting making dinners, and this will be a goal I will set for myself.  I will have dinner on the table every night.  Period.  I don't even know what I'll do if someone offers to go out to eat, I'll probably just freak out.  (lol)

I am doing this because of a fundamental disconnect I have with society.  More and more jobs, even the low-paying ones, require ridiculous credentials including a bachelor's degree and 2-5 years experience in the field to even get your foot in the door.  What kind of ridiculousness is that?  Why should I pay a school ridiculous amounts of money just for them to give me a piece of paper?  I eventually want a bachelor's degree, I just think that too many people are in college these days and the government is creating an education bubble, much like the housing bubble.  More people are getting qualified for loans that can't afford them -> the bubble will pop soon.

How does this affect me?  Well, if I wait a little bit, I might get cheaper loans. :D

Haha... Profiting off the bubble bursting, that is me, but the real reason I am doing this is for the emotional well-being of myself and my family.  It is not worth the stress that it puts on me, and I'm not talking about stress from the schoolwork.  I can do the work fine, it's the emotional guilt I feel from being in a major that I don't feel strongly about.  It's about signing up for a job that I know I will never be exceptional at, and losing my self-value.  I love love English, I love reading and writing and could eloquently put my thoughts into paper all day, but who's going to pay me to do that?  Nobody.
I have also wanted to study psychology and business marketing.  I think that would be interesting as well.  For now, though, I am sick of changing majors and afraid of annoying my academic counselor.  I don't feel like I have the flexibility to look at all the classes I have taken and see how they are stacking up between my top three majors to see how close I am to each.  If I could have my way, I would get like four bachelor's degrees, but that is obviously impractical.

Another reason I need a break is because I really want to work on my shop, Nourishing Naturals.  I have never been as excited about something as I was working on that.  I have always wanted to work for myself and have my own shop.  There is a real awakening in the consumer mindset over what we are putting in and on our bodies.  Whole Foods was started as an alternative grocery store for those who wanted healthier alternatives.  I want to be the Whole Foods of Sephora, the bath and beauty industry.  I want to be the alternative.

Obviously I have a long way to go, but I am going to start with bath teas.  Teas you steep in your bath and infuse with essential oils, salts, and dried milk powder (did you know that Cleopatra used to take whole milk baths?).

There are plenty of people who have been successful without a college degree, and plenty that are mundane with one.  I don't want to be mundane, and I have to do what I think is right.

Here's to the Year Away From School.  Here's to breaking free and thinking for myself.  Here's to a mental break and time for self-analysis and discovery.  I think I'm going to start a blog just for this endeavor.  I am going to write about everything I am doing with my free time and how it has personally impacted me.

Here's to breaking free.

Nothing to Worry About

I think I just had an epiphany regarding the differences in my life pre-Navy and post-Navy.  You see, before the Navy I thought I was the bomb.  I was the best there was and no one could tell me different!  This was probably why I was afraid to let people close to me, because I didn't want them to see what a mess I really was.  As long as people kept a comfortable distance, I could keep up this facade of perfection.  Sad, really, and I was...
While in the Navy, I had one of the worst experiences of my entire life, and up until now, I had let it define me.  It will be a hard journey coming out from under the oppression I experienced there, and the labels, but now that I have defined my enemy I can defeat it.  I have never tried so hard for anything in my entire life than I tried while I was at nuke school in the Navy.  It seemed to come so easily to some people, but math just does not come easily to me.  I am not dumb in any way, it just takes a few runs with technical things to get through to me, and the accelerated pace of the program did not allow for that.  I would stay in the building until it closed at midnight every night to show my dedication to my job and duties in the Navy.  I would study in the classroom, then go to quiet study and try to teach myself, then go try to get tutoring done, then go to group study and see if someone else could explain it to me better.  The entire time I was one giant ball of angst and worry.  I was afraid of failing, but I think my biggest downfall was my fear of what other people thought of me.  I was a woman in a man's world.  If you think women don't belong in the military, try putting her in a highly technical field where only one out of 11 people on base are female.  The odds are stacked against you and I am extremely sensitive to any anti-feminist feelings, as well as the stereotype that women are bad at math and science.  I think that this fear and desire took up so much room in my mind that I wasn't allowed to just be.  I was fighting so hard to feel like I belonged there that I couldn't focus on the task at hand.
Boot camp was fine.  I kept my head down and tried not to stick out ("the nail that sticks out gets hammered," is how the saying goes...).  If anyone knew me before the Navy, I definitely stood out.  I loved my free personality and wore it as a badge of honor.  This new world, however, did not look kindly at rebels.  It hated them and I had to hide myself for the first time behind an ugly light blue shirt and high-wasted pants.  They were the ugliest things, and they do that on purpose.
The purpose of boot camp is to break you down so that the military can build you back up again into a tool, but I didn't let them do that.  Boot camp was easy, boot camp was a joke.  The real fire came at nuke school.
I got placed in a class led by Petty Officer English (he wasn't even a Chief!  Oldest nuke PO I have ever seen...).  By the time this class graduated from A school, he would have masted over half of his class, de-nuking most of them and having several (including myself) leave the Navy completely.  In case you're wondering, this is not standard practice.  Most Chiefs try to help the students placed under their care, not throw them under the bus.
My first masting came four weeks after I started A school.  It was filed under, "failure to obey a direct order," which is basically a catch-all for any time you want to mast someone.  My failure was that I could not do the homework no matter how hard I tried.  I got into the program based solely on my ASVAB score, a 93, but was never given the Nuke test.  Math and science were never my strong point, I knew that going in, but I figured that if I tried hard enough I could do it.  I had never failed like this.  I was smart enough that whatever I put my mind to I could accomplish.  Until now.
If only I could have gone to my room to study. If only I could have Googled it instead of having to rely on the Navy's outdated black and white user manuals that read more like gibberish than usable information.  I WAS NOT ALLOWED TO STUDY THE WAY I NEEDED TO STUDY.  We had to put NOFORN (stands for no foreign eyes or something like that...) at the top of all of our school papers and anything with this label was not allowed outside the building.  All studying had to happen in the building and this was probably my downfall.  My whole educational life I had done my studying on my bed in my room.  This is where I felt comfortable, this is where I could be alone and think.  Being surrounded by strangers all the time, having to sit straight up and conform to military dress and posture at all times while trying to learn difficult material was just too much for me.  There were some worksheets that I simply could not do, and I got masted for it.


This is why I get so mad at people who think they know everything.  This is why I hate the millenials who are doing everything "right", who look perfect and know all the perfect things to say because they have groomed themselves into being profitable bullshiters.  I hate them because that was me pre-Navy.  That was me before I was broken down.  That was me before I ever failed anything and was told that I was nothing.  That was what I used to be.  My success was all in my head, which is where it needs to be to come to fruition, but every dream has now been plucked out.  I don't even know what to be any more.

I was reading this article "13 Ways Successful People Improve Themselves" and I couldn't even read past the first point, because this is something my pre-Navy self would have read.  I would have eaten up every word and immediately started applying them to my life.  But now?  I have other things to worry about.  I am everything I was afraid of becoming, a mother who is too preoccupied with the needs of others to be able to make anything out of herself.  Is this selfish?  Probably.  What all those self-help books don't tell you, though, is that sometimes by sacrificing you find your true value.  You find that by making little people and pouring your heart into them every day that you are building the foundation they need to feel safe and secure in a crazy world.  The way that I treat my daughters affects the way they see and will treat themselves, and therefore how they will treat the people they meet in the world.  A mother's influence is so important to a child.  If a child does not feel loved, nurtured, and taken care of, they will never be able to become much of anything in the real world, because they will constantly be looking for things to meet those basic, essential needs.  It may seem like the work I am doing now is mundane or boring, but it is essential.

I still live with the shame and guilt that was placed upon me in the Navy.  Something changed me then.  I never had time to get back to my pre-Navy life, because right after I left the Navy I got pregnant and got married and had my life completely shaken again, more breaking down and building back up.  Only now I kind of miss the girl that I was.  I miss the girl that would soak in every word from her Vogue and Lucky magazines, then scour catalogs and websites for the same looks within her budget.  I miss the girl who loved running because the air in her lungs made her feel free.  But there were many things that that girl was missing, too, mainly how to love herself and others.  How to be vulnerable and honest.  These are things that I have learned lately, I am just wishing to be more in the middle of the two extremes.  A little of both, a compelling mix.  I want the youth mixed in with the wisdom.  Is that so hard?

So the reason that I could not read that article on setting tiny goals for myself to lead to something great down the road is because I have no end in sight.  I have no dreams, they have all been plucked out of me.  The best I can hope for now is just a good life for myself in the girls.  I have dreams such as travelling the world, going on a Disney cruise as a family, I have plenty of dreams for things I want to do with my life, it's just that none of them are related to a career!  I used to dream about being a successful businesswoman or something along those lines, but now I see that all I wanted was to impress others.  Where is the fulfillment?  I want to adopt a young boy.  I want to be happy.  Always, at the forefront of my mind, this desire for happiness is the greatest goal of my life, and isn't it all of ours?  We set goals for ourselves because we think they will make us happy, when what do we have in our lives already that we told ourselves the same things?  We need to stop, look around, and be thankful and content for what we already have and the people we get to share them with.  This is true happiness.  This is why all this chasing and grasping for riches is like grasping for the wind.

Now, this is not to say that you shouldn't try.  I am getting my degree in IT because I find it interesting and see much job growth and interesting jobs.  A recent job posting I found in the DFW was for an entry-level web developer at a facility that boasted a gym with free personal trainers, coffee bar, Whole Foods delivers lunch every day, great conferences and 401K plans with matching contributions, and health insurance that includes visual, dental, and chiropractic!  CHIROPRACTIC!  Are you kidding me?!  I will work anywhere that includes chiropractic...

All I am saying is that I need to shake off this label that I am a failure.  I am NOT a failure, I am a child of God with a purpose and a plan for my life and I will stand up and take it.  I will not be silent, I will not be complacent, I will not quit.  I will keep going until my name is restored to myself.  I will keep going until I have a job that I can be proud of, that my children can be proud of.  I will keep pouring myself into my daughters to make sure that they are good people.  Life is like water, and where there is stagnant water there is death.  You have to keep moving.  You have to keep pouring yourself out to see what happens.  All you can do is your best job, and if you do that every day, you should have nothing to worry about.

Clutter and Greed

Greed is the reason I have so much clutter.  Let me explain.  You look at earlier cultures and there was not a lot of clutter in their lives.  They had what they needed, and that was it.  Any excess was preserved and stored if possible for use later, but there was no such thing as impulse shopping.  There was no cheap plastic or mass manufacturing of items.  There were no holiday decorations except what you could make yourself, and not everyone was trying to sell you something.
Greed is why I have so much clutter.  The greed from people who live in a modern society where they can mass produce a wide variety of goods cheaply and easily and then sell it for a profit.  I look around at the clutter and it is things that I don't really need but am hesitant to let go.  That hesitation will probably only exist 5 more seconds, as the line graph of fed up with clutter vs. attachment to clutter meets and then surpasses the other.  Why do we need all these things?  The answer is that we don't, but we have people telling us all the time that we do.
You cannot go anywhere without being an audience for an advertisement any more.  How much of our life is wasted listening to people telling us what to buy, where to go, and how to live?  We are all chasing that fantasy, that staged portrait we saw in a magazine.  Yet that portrait is very expensive, and so we settle for the cheaper alternatives that end up populating our houses and defining us.  It's time to stop the greed.  It's time to define your needs and stick to those.  Make your space work for you, not something you saw in a magazine.  What works in someone else's space may not necessarily work in yours.  Take an analysis of your home and your needs and fashion something that fits both of those.  Clean, simple and organized looks way better than over accessorized, no matter how expensive it was.

Let's try turning down the greed a little and figuring out what we can do with what we already have, defining our needs and buying only what we need to make our homes and lives function seamlessly.

*Edit*
I was just doing my normal browsing of facebook (wasting time), when I stumbled upon this article:
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-11706/10-toxic-products-no-one-needs.html
Can I just say case in point?!!

Women in Christian Leadership

I just read a blog post about a woman lamenting over her desire to minister in the church yet being denied that right because she is a woman.  She was writing a book about it, which her author really liked.  Lifeway, however, demanded that they remove that section or they would not carry the book (are they really so surprised?).  You can read what she wrote here.  I left a very well thought out comment that echoes some of my thoughts that have been developing over the past few years.  I wanted to preserve it here.


Unfortunately, the Bible echoes the anti-women in leadership message that Lifeway is upholding.  This is why I take everything I read with a grain of salt.  As far as the first commenter, Jason, I am sorry that people have said that you are not "good enough" for ministry.  If you look at many churches today they are trying to be as culturally "relevant" as possible - which from what I've seen means only the beautiful people, or the well-dressed can lead.  Everyone else would be bad for their "image." 
There are some very anti-women issues I have with the Bible that women in the church just accept because they feel it is their burden to carry, that it somehow makes them holier.  It does not, it just makes you silent.  Do we forget that the Bible was written by men?  "All scripture is God-breathed..." yeah,  I can quote the verse.  Then, how do you justify, "A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. 12 I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet. 13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve. 14 And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. 15 But women will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety." 1 Timothy 2:11-15.  Notice in the beginning of verse 12, Paul says, "I do not permit..."  Not God does not permit.  Since when did Paul give himself that kind of authority?
Sounds like circular reasoning to me.  We say women can't teach because the Bible says so, and Paul validates this theory with the Bible.....  Personally, I'm not a fan of Paul.  Yes, he did great things for Christ, but he was a bit full of himself for doing so.  Oh, I personally won't get married because I want to devote all of my time and energies to the Gospel (fine), but if you are weak enough to give into the carnal flesh, then you can get married (which conflicts with Genesis 9:7 where God commands Noah and his family to, "Be fruitful and multiply").  The very argument many people have for being anti-gay (it doesn't produce children!)  Paul was preaching.  What if we all took Paul's example?  There would be no more Christians after one generation!  Thanks, Paul!
As you can see, I have a number of problems with the Bible.  I have thought about it for some time, so please, unless you have done the same you should think before you comment.  We can blindly believe that all Scripture is God-breathed, that the Holy Spirit came over each of the many writers that form our canon and believe that, that is fine.  You can believe anything you want.  When you actually think about it, though, the writing of the Bible spanned many thousands of years, and who developed our Canon today?  Men.  Why were certain things thrown out and others included?  When you look at the history of the Bible, it has been man that has largely written and influenced the final copy that we have today.  Never mind everything that has been lost in translation... All I'm saying is that the Christian church is based on the Bible as the Word of God, but we have to take this with a grain of salt.  Also, as heartbreaking as it is that some are denied ministry for ridiculous reasons, this sentiment towards women is backed up with the Bible and if you are going to call yourself a Christian and are a woman, you might as well sit down, shut up, and place a sheet over your head.  After all, according to the Bible, that is your duty.  Oh yeah, if you have children, your existence can be sanctified.
In the end, man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart.  This is something I can agree with and what I believe is the essence of all ministry.  If you are careful to preserve your heart, even in the face of such hypocrisy, if you are able to love others as you love yourself, no matter what injustices they may do to you, then you will be like Christ.  This is true ministry and something we must all strive for every day.

3 Words I Hate

The following is a list of words that make me cringe.  Words that are so overused in society that they have essentially lost their meaning, yet people wield them as the proverbial sword and expect others to take notice.  These words pack a powerful punch yet I believe are not used fairly.

Obese - The meaning of this word has changed significantly.  It used to simply mean someone who was extremely overweight from a visual standpoint.  Now it simply means someone who has a BMI of 30 or above, or someone who is 20% above their ideal weight.  BMI, though, is simply a ratio of someone's height to weight.  It does not take into account the amount of muscle vs. fat that comprises a person.  Therefore, if someone is extremely muscular (my husband, for example, has the most muscular legs I have ever seen.  He is uncomfortable in most pants because they cannot accommodate his muscular thighs).  He is also muscular through his shoulders and neck.  Using the word "obese" to describe people may be doing more harm than good.  For some, it may be a wake up call for them to change their habits.  For other, though, it can be insulting and not a good portrayal of their situation, resulting in shame and a dismissal of the intended message.  For some, calling them "obese" can further plant their feet into the ground and cause them to more fully commit to their ways.
Furthermore, the definition of "obese" was changed in 1998.  As a result, close to 30 million Americans were shifted from "overweight" to "obese."

William Quick adds this analysis:

According to an American Medical Association report, 14.5 % of Americans in 1980 were obese, a total of 32,700,000 (based on a population of 226,000,000). If, as the above article states, the numbers of obese Americans have "doubled" in the past twenty years, this would mean there are now about 66 million of them. But thirty million of those fatties were created by a change in definition, so by the standards of 1980 [we would calculate an] obesity percentage of 12.85 percent, an actual decrease in obesity percentage since 1980.

Hmm... so while "obesity" isn't made up, it is an adjective whose definition has been changed to encompass a much larger group of people unfairly.

Which leads me to my second severely disliked word:

Epidemic- An epidemic in previous generations was used to describe things like cholera, small pox, and the Bubonic Plague.  But obesity?  The World English Dictionary defines an epidemic as: adj. (esp. of a disease) attacking or affecting many persons simultaneously in a community or area.
Now, is obesity a disease?  No.  You can't "catch" fat, and while some have genetics that make them more prone to accumulating fat, it is not a completely genetic thing.  Being obese or overweight, however, does have an increased association and risk for other diseases such as diabetes, heart disease, hypertension, etc.  But is obesity in itself a disease?  No.
If anything, this is simply clever bending of the truth by those who would like to condemn those who are fat.  We have seen increased bullying in our society against those who appear overweight.  I know, I used to be one.  With the beauty ideal increasingly becoming more thin, we as a society have grown a distaste for anyone with a fuller figure.  The portrayal on the news of the "American Obesity Epidemic" has often been cited by other countries to poke fun at us and preen their feathers against us.  This stance has also been taken in the States by those who do not understand that some people who are "obese" have become so as a result of medical issues or are simply a product of the corrupt food industry.  While 70% of disease can be avoided with diet or exercise, just because a person appears overweight does not mean that you know them or can judge them.  Why do we condemn people for judging others based on their gender, race, or religion, yet we as a society consider it completely OK to judge someone based on their body?  We see a person who is overweight and immediately judge them as lazy, disgusting, pathetic...  I am against making blanket statements to any group, and while some of these things may be true on an individual basis, if we have to validate ourselves by judging those around us, I think the change has to come from us first.  Perhaps we are afraid of becoming fat.  Perhaps we are reminded of that half gallon of ice cream we consumed during a particularly trying time.  We see that obese person and we project all of our body fears and issues onto them.  We want to persecute them for our fears of death and disease.  Meanwhile, these individuals are people, too.  Did you know that most people who are actually obese can trace the beginnings of their weight gain to an emotional trauma?  The next time you try to judge someone for the way they look, take a look in the mirror and ask yourself, "What fault in me is causing me to judge this person?"

Finally, while it might not seem related to the above arguments, my third most hated word is...

CEO- I see this word all the time lately.  People like to tout it around to claim the unbased success and tenure it suggests.  CEO stands for Chief Executive Officer and is used to describe someone at the head of a company.  If someone is the CEO of a large and well-developed company, that is saying a whole lot more than Suzy down the street who started selling Avon and is the CEO of her own company.  Come on, people, let's get real.  Being a CEO comes with a large amount of responsibility.  Just like being the quarterback of a football team, if your team wins, it's your fault.  If your team loses, it's your fault.  Simply calling yourself "CEO" does not make you successful.  Winning makes you successful.
With the large amount of internet start-ups, anyone can call themself a CEO if they start their own company... but this does not mean they are successful.  I think they should spend more time trying to make their product successful then preening their feathers to impress the opinions of others.

So good I had to share...

This is for you, Jon Stewart.

Waste of Potential

This world is a waste of potential, or is it the "system."  Who's to say?  I suppose only the people who are behind everything, and they must be wasting potential to maintain power.  Wasting, wasting, wasting... but no one will ever give it up.  No one will ever give someone a simple chance.  You can't even get a job these days without ridiculous credentials and degrees.  What happened to the old days when people simply rose up to fill the positions that needed to be filled?  Now there are degrees for everything, and the schools will be very happy to take your money.  They're probably the only ones making any.  The whole things a scam meant to keep you in a hamster wheel forever.  If you do get out, though, reality will laugh at your piece of paper and shake their heads at your naivety.  They also won't hire you.

Change of Majors

I am writing because I cannot be silenced
By the society that is pushing me to IT.
What will become of me?
What will become of my voice?
I hate this world I have been born into that has no time, no ear for the philosopher.
I hate this world full of boundless curiosity, sacrificing who knows what?
For - exactly that - who knows what, but in the sphere of technology.

The fact is we will never know what is sacrificed
All we can know is what happens,
And can we ever truly know that?
When looking to the past, is it all just a mirage?

Our memories are formed by the stories we hear from others
Who were there.
Some of our memories are not our own.

I read about poets who teach at universities and think,
"This is all I want!"
But to be able to earn money sooner, a career in IT is my best bet.
I tell myself that I will continue to write,
I do not need an English degree to write,
but will I?


Thoughts Upon Reading the Short Biography of Vince Gotera

Am I making a horrible mistake?
I wish I could live a life like that.
Constantly reading, soaking,
Then drying and reflecting.
But who has time for the philosopher?

And what of the English major graduate
A cashier - the same job she held pre-college-
But now with a college load of debt?

Are these positions saved for the holders of
Ivy League degrees?
If I were to blindly pursue my passion,
Would I simply be a fool?  A lemming jumping off a ledge?

This world has pushed me to do this.
These are not my priorities, but society's.
I can still write, but I
Feel as if that would be trying to grow
With my umbilical cord snipped.

Pictures From Today (and January)

 

This picture pretty much sums them up!  HAHA!!

Emma and her Princess slippers.
Emma loves Cinderella.  It is more than love, she wants to BE Cinderella.  I actually think she thought she was Cinderella for a few months.  This obsession results in her constantly wearing her Halloween costume and shortly thereafter asking for her, "Glass slippers and crown," because she cannot truly be a princess until all these details are in place.  

These last pictures were on my card from January of 2013.  It's a shame that I had not put them up until now, but they are cute, aren't they!  My girls love each other so much, and I am only realizing now as I interract with other moms how rare that is.  Emma is constantly speaking so sweet to Lizzie and me.  Whenever she sense we are upset she says, "Oh, it's OK, darling, it will be alright."  Just the sweetest thing!

We make a good group. :)

Where are the Bees?

It has been a somewhat popular topic of conversation lately.  "Where are the bees?"

My interest was recently re-piqued by reading this article:

Russia Warns Obama About Monsanto

What is one to do to protect themselves from the government?  Build a dome over their property (probably would not be allowed to do that), raise their own honeybees, livestock (and slaughter them), grow their own fruits and vegetables?  We basically have to go back to prairie living to avoid being taken advantage of by the powers that be.  Even buying organic produce isn't safe any more, as the organic pesticides and fertilizers used are largely not studied and can be just as carcinogenic as the non-organic produce!  Most organic produce comes from large companies anyway trying to make a profit.  Do you really think they're any different?

Albert Einstein once said, “If the bee disappears from the surface of the Earth, man would have no more than four years left to live.”  Weighty words from a genius.  I wonder what our government really thinks they are accomplishing by not banning neonicotinoids.  Do you really think that they don't see the correlation?  Or are the hiding something for their own agendas?  The answers are pretty scary and I suppose we cannot truly know, but perhaps this is me turning a blind eye to what I don't want to be true.

On Einstein, Bees, and the Human Race

I Would Like to See the Sunset

Closed off in this cave of mine.

A slave to glory, fortune, and time.

I squint my eyes to see

The too-bright screen staring back at me.

The dusk outside is calling me

To see with my eyes the closing day.

I pull back the blinds, I was correct

The sun is waving its last goodbyes,

And I nearly missed it, but for this work.

I nearly missed nature's calming wave,

Its reassurances as we fade into night.

Just Upload the Grading Rubric

What my teacher wrote:

Additional Comments on the Multicultural Authors Chart (Due in Week 3)1) Information on the chart comes from the stories assigned in the textbook only. We will be reading many more stories than you can include on the chart.How do you decide which stories to include? Choose stories you like or can relate to in some way, but be sure you are satisfying the requirements of each “category.”2) The “Categories” column has 4 categories you are to consider: “Historical Periods, “ “Geography,” “Social Issues,” and “Other” (authors’ biographies as evidenced in the stories, dialogue, political or religious elements in the stories, or writing style – YOUR CHOICE.) As you read the stories in the text, take notes on which historical period is covered, what geography is represented, which social issues are discussed and any other issue you find (“other”).Keeping track of these specific elements in each story is important – take notes!3) After you have read a good number of stories (we have three week’s worth of stories to consider by the end of Week 3 – a total of 18 stories), you will see in your notes how different stories cover different historical periods, different geography, different social issues, etc. START PAIRING STORIES for the chart categories. The minimum number of stories to be included on the chart is 8 (two stories per category). Don’t use a story more than once if possible.4) For the “Historical Periods” category, select TWO stories from the 18, each representing a different historical period. In the “Comments” column, record your observations, insights, about the stories – compare/contrast them based on their historical periods.5) For the “Geography” category, select TWO more stories from the 18, each representing a different geographical location. In the “Comments” column, write about how each location is presented. What details / information does the author give and how does the information help you “see” the place better?Does one story do a better job than the other?6) For the “Social Issues” category, select yet TWO more stories from the 18, each dealing with the same social issue. In the “Comments” column, discuss how each social issue is covered – the attitudes of the writers toward these issues and any other insights you gained by seeing the issue through these writers’ eyes.7) Finally, for the “Other” category, select TWO final stories from the 18 on whichever basis you choose (authors’ biographies as evidenced in the stories, dialogue, political or religious elements in the stories, or writing style.) In the “Comments” column, compare/contrast how each issue or element is discussed . . . or share any insights you have gained by looking at the stories together.Perhaps the instructions from the Syllabus make more sense now…o The first pair of stories must represent different historical periods, either of the setting of the plot or of the date of composition—for example, one story from the 19th century and another from the late 20th century.
o The second pair of stories must be authored by writers from different parts of the world—for example, one from Europe and another from Latin America.
o The third pair of stories must address identical social issues, such as stories concerned with language differences or stories that address concerns about aging.
o The fourth pair of stories must address a matter of interest to you, such as authors’ biographies as evidenced in the stories, dialogue, political or religious elements in the stories, or writing style.

8) To present your chart in Week 3, you will simply post a copy of it in a thread I will create in Week 3, and we will discuss the charts as a class. I AM NOT REQUIRING a PowerPoint presentation on this. The completed chart will be sufficient. Make sure your “Comments” section on the chart is clear and well-developed. I will grade the chart individually and privately, and your score will be included in Week 3 feedback.

How she could have written this more clearly and succinctly, thus not wasting my time:

Fill in the chart.

A Word Against College

It's unnecessary.

The end.

Pledge

I pledge to myself that as soon as I receive my idea, that I will run with it.
I will not push it off to the dusty recesses of my mind,
Along with all the other, "I'll do it laters."
No, I will process the idea immediately and begin to translate into the reality we see all around us.

I was driving through the city yesterday and was amazed.
Gas stations, flower beds, cars driving by.  Each of these things was once an idea
That someone took and made a reality
Everything you see around you, do not take anything for granted.
You can produce reality if you have the balls to.

Afternoon Rainy Day Musings

I'm taking some time out of my day right now to make a blog post because I simply do not make enough of them.  I want to make sure that I leave as many mementos as possible to remember this time in my life because I know what a treasure it is.  I just started my English class yesterday.  The reading that I have to do for it weighs on me, but I have already gotten most of it done and I feel a little better about it.  Isn't it funny how we can build a task up in our minds as impossible until we just buckle down and do it?  Suddenly it becomes manageable as your mind breaks it up into easier, manageable tasks.  The power of the mind is overwhelming.

Andy and I cannot wait to get into our new house!  It is all we think about, and the topic comes up quite a lot.  We'll be hanging out, trying to keep our minds on something else when someone will blurt out, "I can't wait to get into the house!!!!"  Emma keeps asking to go to Mommy and Daddy's house and I have to explain to her that someone else is living there and we can't go just yet.  She is a good girl and is learning to be patient.  Lizzie, in her own way, says, "House!!!"

I am enjoying this class more than I thought I would.  What originally started as a class that I had no interest in, I am now looking forward to the reading.  It reminds me of my days as a child when I was a voracious reader.  I still love to read, but I hardly ever read fiction on my own.  I feel like I am wasting time when there is so much "knowledge" to be gained in other types of literature.  I think that as I get older I will be able to find more time for fiction, for there is a different type of value in well-written fiction. 

I don't know if anyone reads this any more, and if you do, thank you!  Emma and I just uploaded a video on Youtube that you can watch if you want.  It's us seeing "See the Light" from Disney's Tangled.  It's nothing fancy, just something we did on the fly.  It's not percet, but I like the way it turned out.  Enjoy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbGBk4TuYZs

Great Day

You know that Crest commercial that says, "Life opens up when you do?"  I've known this is true for a long time, but it's funny that "trying" to open up at the wrong time just doesn't produce the results I wanted.  Anyway, it was as simple as taking a walk.

It was gorgeous today.  Upper 60s, sunny, everyone was out taking a stroll.  We take a slightly different path than usual (you know how changing the little things can make things refreshingly happy?).  We stop at our usual stopping place, when a runner comes out from behind us and pulls off at the same time.  Awkward, I think, and slowly start walking away to give her her space.  Apartment complex has these different "fit stations" along the way.  Station 18 is a balance bar that the girls always like to walk on, so we make a point to stop there.  Anyway, so I'm walking away when Emma starts saying, "Please don't go!  I want to go there," and, who could say no to that?  So I turn around, and we end up meeting the nicest girl.  The runner was using an app called Global Cache where you can find things.  She pulled out a tube from a hole in the wall, opened it, and there was a paper with people's names on it who had found the tube.  She signed her name, and put it back, but not without showing Emma what she was doing first.  It was like finding a secret treasure!  She showed me the app and we talked about it for a little while, so cool that there are things like that!

Anyway, so she runs off eventually and then a mom with her 2 1/2 year old daughter walk on by.  We start talking, too!  (I must have been sending off "talk to me vibes" today - not complaining!)  Turns out she is from Germany and she was friends with other moms from Europe, but they recently moved. :(  We talked about how there really aren't any activities for moms and parents in our complex, all of the events seem steered towards the single crowd, which is interesting because I see a LOT of parents and small children walking around when we take our walks.  She told me that she asked the management if they were planning on getting a playground or anything and was told that they weren't because they didn't want people who weren't living in the apartment complexes to use it.  (?)  That seems ridiculous to me, but I suppose if you're paranoid...

Anyway, so the kids will keep "sliding" down the wooden incline intended for crunches and walking on the balance beams. 

Then the bird man came!  The "bird man" is an older gentleman who dries corn kernels and brings a grocery bag full of them every day to feed the ducks, geese, and pigeons that live in our complex.  He gives other people food.  It's amazing how the birds will land on you and start eating out of your hand!  He let me do this several times.  Lizzie was laughing the whole time because he threw a bunch of kernels to where she was standing and the birds landed all around her.  The pigeons were so graceful and synchronized.  They would land, eat up the dropped kernels, and then, as if rehearsed, all take the sky in a loud cocphany of fluttering wings.  They would fly in a circle around the gentlman, and then land together.  They did this several times.  I had a pigeon startle me because it landed on my shoulder from behind, so I didn't see it.  It was amazing to just stand there and let these pigeons land on you and eat from your hand and to fly all around you.  It took a little bit of courage and a lot of peace.  There is something about letting other forms of life coexist with you peacefully.  Pigeons aren't really something that I usually pay attention to a lot.  Emma was a little scared of the birds, but she was playing with her little playmate "Eva" the entire time.

I later learned the name of the mom we had been talking to and whose daughter Emma had been playing with.  It was Veronica.  I hope to see her again.  It was amazing how natural and seamless interacting with her was.

It was also amazing to see all the passer-byes who waved or said hello to the bird man.  He is definitely a local celebrity!

Career Confusion

Ok... I am slightly freaking out at the moment.  The reason?  I don't know what career path to follow.  I have been reading up on the 100 Best Jobs of 2012, 2013, the 10 Best Jobs of 2012 by a different magazine... blah blah blah.  The bottom line is that the medical field and IT jobs will be getting a nice boost in the years to come.  I looked into becoming a pharmacist, but it seems like the only School of Pharmacy nearby is Texas Tech and I have to go to some god-forsaken campus for the first two years, and then the Dallas-Fort Worth campus for the last two (I thought a Pharmacy School only had to be 2 years?)  Plus, I would have to change my major from English to a science-related field which means most of the work I have done already will be wasted and I'll have to redo my pre-requisites = waste of time.  It is a good job, though, once you finally get it.  It has one of the highest median salaries.  Unfortunately, the bachelor of pharmacy degree is no longer being offered. :( 

Web developer.  This tickles my fancy.  It has the best of both worlds, creativity in a structured environment.  I believe that my English skills and attention to detail could fit in this field.  The cons are that to get a job you have to be pretty good at networking, and, let's be honest, I hardly know anyone where we are living right now.  I think that if I could overcome this, though, it could be a very good job.  I would also have to change my major from English to an IT related field.  University of Phoenix offers an online degree in IT with a focus in Web Development, which would be perfect for me.

Bottom line - any of the jobs worth having have a steep training curve and I feel I am wasting time with an English degree, even though that is where my current aptitudes lie.

I just did a search for job prospects of a copywriter (what I was planning on doing with my English degree bc teaching is such a joke), and, guess what?  That entire field will soon be extinct.  Sold to the cheapest bidder in India.  Great.

The entire point of me getting my degree online while the girls were young was so that I could stay at home with them while preparing for a career once they got in school.  Right now, I am on a short path to teaching.  No offense, but our society does not attract the cream of the crop to this profession, which is a real loss for our children.  But, unfortunately, I cannot change society.  Web development offers flexibility, but so does pharmacy.  Web development, though, has the training in a format I can pursue.

We shall see what I choose. I really don't want to delay my degree another year by doing more pre-requisites, but I also don't want to be wishing I had done this in 2 years when I get my "worthless" English degree.

Your Animal Is Not Your Child

You did not birth it.  You did not carry around your furry bundle of joy for 9 1/2 + months.  You do not have to send your animal to college.  You can leave your animal at home, you don't have to take it with you everywhere you go.  Your animal does not require a car seat, and it will probably not embarrass you in the supermarket because it can't have a candy bar.  You do not have to choose the best preschool or schools for your animal, and if you do, well I suppose you are a good animal "parent."  I won't say it is ridiculous because everyone is entitled to do whatever it is they want to do, as long as it doesn't hurt other people.  In this case, it is actually helping your animal, so it is a net gain.  The problem, though, is when these same people look down on other people for having the balls to actually procreate and have something they cannot completely control.  They say things like, "Sometimes I think my animal is smarter than other people," exposing their deep-rooted hatred of people in general.  That is what I have the problem with.  It's this holier-than-thou mentality, when, really, is having a pet like having a child?  You have to feed them, walk them, give them their shots, and keep them groomed.  I know there are "whiny" pets and pets that will annoy you with all the time they require, but guess what.  The average lifespan of a dog is 20 years.  In some ways, yes, having a pet is "like" having a child, but don't for one second think that it requires the same amount of effort.
I think that people who replace children with pets crave a certain level of control over their lives.  It is this fear to create that keeps them from knowing one of the scariest, and most rewarding, parts of life.  Can your dog carry on your name after you?  Will your cat give you grandkids?  I suppose, if you're really morbid and see things that way!

I have to say that I have no problem with people having pets.  Having a pet is usually a very healthy thing.  What I am speaking out against is people replacing people with animals in their lives because they hate other humans.  I am also speaking out against these people looking down on people with small children as if they are somehow better because they have a pekingese.  So, you spent $2,000 to get a dog.  Do you know how many animals are dying in animal shelters?  It is all about living an ego-centric life.  Everything revolves around you and your "style."  You think this type of dog perfectly complements your lifestyle, blah blah blah.  Let's expand this way of living to the entire world - oh crap.  In one generation humanity is lost and the earth is overpopulated by dogs.

The end.

Impatient!

I want everything to happen now.  I am like a seed, I feel all the potential, the energy, I know I have what it takes, but it is taken too long.  I am in school now and I will have to be for another 2 years just to get my Bachelor's degree!  Bloody hell.  I have to remind myself that the seeds I am planting now will bear fruit in the future if I am faithful, I just have to take the first step.  I feel like I wish life was like Jack in the Beanstalk, where Jack plants the seed and then BOOM!  A huge, strong plant just shoots up into the clouds and escorts any willing to climb into a magical fairytale land... Aah, but I am getting away with myself.

I was recently reminded of my desire to be a published author and think that I should pursue that.  Part of me just wants to pursue everything that I ever wanted but have never done, and I know that through all of this that I will find my path.  I don't have to have an end goal right now, I don't want to cage myself into something prematurely, especially if I don't have very strong feelings about any one thing.  I will just take it one step at a time, experiencing everything I can along the way, meeting people and forming relationships that are in tune with my desires and the way I am feeling so that I may find my destiny.