"Pursuit", by Stephen Dobyns

Each thing I do I rush through so I can do
something else. In such a way do the days pass -
a blend of stock car racing and the never
ending building of a gothic cathedral.
Through the windows of my speeding car, I see
all that I love falling away: books unread,
jokes untold, landscapes unvisited. And why?
What treasure do I expect in my future?
Rather it is the confusion of childhood
loping behind me, the chaos in the mind,
the failure chipping away at each success.
Glancing over my shoulder I see its shape
and so move forward, as someone in the woods
at night might hear the sound of approaching feet
and stop to listen, then, instead of silence
he hears some creature trying to be silent.
What else can he do but run? Rushing blindly
down the path, stumbling, struck in the face by sticks;
the other ever closer, yet not really
hurrying or out of breath, teasing its kill.

Ecclesiastes 2:10-11
"I denied myself nothing my eyes desired;
   I refused my heart no pleasure.
My heart took delight in all my labor,
   and this was the reward for all my toil.
¹¹ Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done
   and what I had toiled to achieve,
everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind;
   nothing was gained under the sun.

I am not meaning to be a downer here, but personally these passages give me hope.  Hope you say?  How could such downer passages ever give you hope?  Well, I suppose I am plagued with this point of view.  Perhaps I am afraid that if I choose a career field, I will be stuck.  I will never be able to change, and what if it's the wrong one?  Yes, I suppose I can always change, but this would put me at a tremendous disadvantage to the people who have chosen that career field from day 1, and I simply desire to be the best.  So it is then this fear of failure that keeps me from continuation.  But, I am still contacting University of Phoenix today to get my bachelor's, am I not?  I have chosen the career of teaching, because I think I will be good at it and enjoy it.  Plus it is something that has the possibility of helping my family in the future.
We watched Meet the Robinsons last night.  That is a really great movie with a wonderful moral.  "Keep moving forward," the small quote from Disney was the theme of the film.  But what is moving forward with no end?  One must first have a goal and then move forward, although sometimes life leaves you no more light than is enough to see the single step in front of you.  We must always move forward, we must always try.

I leave you with a quote from one of my favorite books, The Great Gatsby:

"Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year receeds before us.  It eluded us then, but that's no matter - tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther ... And one fine morning-
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."

"Bringing up Bebe"

I apologize that I haven't updated this blog as much as I would like.  I guess our life just hasn't been glamorous enough to share.  There are the moments, but those moments continue to become more and more elusive to my camera.  Probably because I'm usually holding someone when they happen, and by the time I get my camera out of the case, turn the flash on, etc. the moment is gone.
Anyway, I want to tell you about a wonderful new book I have been reading.  It is called Bringing Up Bebe and it is written by Pamela Druckerman.  This book has all but convinced me that my true soul's longing is to be in Paris (as cliche as that sounds).  It is about an American who married a Brit then settled and had children in France.  The main point of the book is her unraveling the differences between American and French parenting.  "Why is it ... that in the hundreds of hours I've clocked at French playgrounds, I've never seen a child (except my own) throw a temper tantrum?  Why don't my French friends ever need to rush off the phone because their kids are demanding something?  Why haven't their living rooms been taken over by teepees and toy kitchens, the way ours has?"
I cannot begin to tell you the answer as I have not gotten to that part of the book yet.  She is still pregnant or "waiting for child" as the French put it.  I simply love the different approaches to motherhood and pregnancy between the two cultures.  I never had a craving through both my pregnancies, and am wondering if that whole theory is just an excuse to engorge oneself while pregnant.  Not to sound rude, but the whole American approach to eating and pregnancy is all wrong!  I must say that with Emma, I exercised often and ate no more than I usually would.  I read "What to Expect When You're Expecting" (American's pregnancy BIBLE...), and took my supplements, etc. but I really didn't worry.  I realized that what was happening inside of me was totally natural and had happened for centuries before, so there really was nothing to worry about.  After all, even if something was wrong, what could worrying do?  I tried above all to stay calm for myself and the baby through my first pregnancy and I believe that that is the right way to do it.
With Elizabeth, it was a little harder to stay in control since I already had a very young toddler to take care of.  My needs came second.  I became much bigger, held the baby for 4 weeks longer, and had to be induced.  The induction was not at all bad, though, and was even easier than going into natural labor.  I hadhyothyroidism as a result of my second pregnancy and am still trying to get back to be at my pre-pregnancy state, something that was all too easy the first time around.  I have to say that I did not eat as healthy the second-time around (usually because I would eat whatever was the most convenient - usually pizza from my brother-in-law), something I would not have thought about doing my first pregnancy.  I also was not able to exercise as much or as hard.  My first pregnancy, I would regularly go to the gym and use the cross-trainer.  The second pregnancy I had to resort to walks with the husband and stroller.  All this to say - pregnancy is not an excuse to gorge yourself on everything that is denied regularly.  Mereille Guiliano in her book French Women Don't Get Fat explains, "Pretending such pleasures don't exist, or trying to eliminate them from your diet for an extended time, will probably lead to weight gain."
I hope I am not insulting anyone as I write this as that is not my intention.  It is just wildly refreshing to see unformed concepts in your own head put on paper and realized by others.  It is nice to be understood and to know that you have done the right thing, and it is also good to educate others so they may have the same experience.

KH