Ryan Adams understands

"Lucky Now"

I don’t remember, were we wild and young
All that’s faded into memory
I feel like somebody I don’t know
Are we really who we used to be
Am I really who I was

The lights will draw you in
And the dark will bring you down
And the night will break your heart
Only if you’re lucky now

Waiting outside while you find your keys
Like bags of trash in the blackening snow
City of neon and toes that freeze
We got nothing and nowhere to go
We got nothing and nowhere

The lights will draw you in
And the dark will take you down
And the night will break your heart
Only if you’re lucky now

If the lights draw you in
And the dark can take you down
Then love can mend your heart
But only if you’re lucky now

I don’t remember, were we wild and young
All that’s faded into memory
I feel like somebody I don’t know
Are we really who we used to be
Am I really who I was

Overwhelming Schedule

Some days it seems like everyone around me is wayy more motivated to do this mom thing than I am.
The problem is that I am overstretched with responsibilities.  This doubling up on classes thing is making me crazy.  I wrote down every single assignment and when it was due in my planner at the beginning of these two classes.  That worked fine for the first week, until I lost it.  We are in week 3 of classes now and I still haven't found it.  It makes me crazy.  I will do my homework think it is all done, and then log on the next day to see that I missed something that was due in the other class.  I do not like this.  I am good at school, but the communication is off.
On top of that, my piano lesson business is going great, and I really love doing it.  Andy says I should quit, but there is no way I can do that now.  There are kids who are depending on me, plus I love teaching and I love music.  So that's staying.
Then I have to be a mom and I have been really bad at that lately.  Emma is so petite it worries me, I need to buy her Pediasure.  I took the girls to the park today to meet a girl that used to go to SCCS in the class behind me (totally random, I know!), and I didn't even bring a water bottle for my kids.  We were all thirsty.  It seems like every other mom remembers to bring water bottles and then I have to tell my kids to wait until we get home.  When am I going to get this right?
Then we have this puppy.  Who poops and pees in her cage all the time.  I told Andy that I didn't want a dog because I knew that I would be the one having to take care of it.  Emma wanted a dog, and Andy wanted to get one for the kids.  I knew what would happen, so I didn't let it happen for the longest time.  Then, we were on a date and Andy decides to take me to the pet store (which is totally unfair and leading).  We meet some puppies and I fall in love with a beautiful cream french bulldog.  Totally unfair.  She just lays on my chest the entire time and is so calm, she melted my heart.  When we left I was crying in the car because I wanted her so bad, so we decided to get her.  Fast forward three months, and she is the most hyper thing that poops and pees in her cage almost daily.  Andy usually helps, but he's been sick all week so it's only been me.  When they are puppies you have to take them out more often, and it seriously is like the straw that broke the camel's back.
Then I have this project I'm working on for my dad.  Then I have to, you know, keep the house clean from the two tornadoes that live in this house (three, if you count the dog), make meals and stuff.  Most of the time I don't know what to do because I cannot prioritize.  Is school more important?  Making money?  Feeding my family?  It sounds ridiculous, but I am seriously going insane.  I need like a live-in nanny or something.  Most of the time, when deciding what to tackle, I am like a deer in the headlights because I realize that there is no way I can possibly do everything I need to do perfectly, so I lose the will to do it at all.  Perks of being a perfectionist.

Most of the time it just comes down to whatever has a deadline, and that is usually school.  Walking the dog helps me get exercise, and I like taking the girls to do fun things as well.  I don't want them to spend their whole childhood's watching TV and playing with iPads and Leappads.  I'm sure we will all be fine in the end, I just need to get through school and then things will start to balance out and calm down.

Saving something

Just wanted to save this:
http://www.tickld.com/x/this-14-year-old-boy-just-wrote-the-most-important-poem-of-the-21st-century

While I don't agree with the "most important poem of the 21st century" bit, I believe that claim may cause people to dismiss reading this amazing poem.  It actually brought me to tears.

Mr. Rodgers, you are so wise

Honestly, this quote by Mr. Rodgers just floored me:

“What do you think it is that drives people to want far more than they could ever use or need? I frankly think it's insecurity. How do we let the world know that the trappings of this life are not the things that are ultimately important for being accepted?”

Read more at http://www.relevantmagazine.com/culture/10-mr-rogers-quotes-you-need-read#VJrsiPOwmvQy1cT1.99

Today

Currently listening: "Videogames" by Lana Del Rey


Man, what a flashback.  I am loving this song right now.  It put Lizzie to sleep.  We go so fast and then something stops us and we realize how tired we are.

Today I got a lot done, and then it came to a screeching halt all because of someone's misunderstanding/stupidity.  You cannot control everything.  The customer will *always* be right.


:*


ALWAYS.

This is amazing

http://www.collective-evolution.com/2014/01/07/this-is-what-happens-when-a-kid-leaves-traditional-education/

This probably explains my frustrations with school right now.  Just for the record, I have not quit, not am I planning on quitting until I get my degree.  I just want to make that clear.  I only wish I could, for my creativity's sake.

The video says it all.  Watch and then comment if you like. :)

"Picky" Eaters

I am starting to realize that while most kids are picky, Emma is of a very special kind.  I hear moms complain about how their kids don't eat healthy, yet when asked what they do eat, they spout a long list of things Emma would not touch with a 10 foot pole.  She doesn't eat vegetables.  No fruit.  Come on, not even fruit?!  I am serious.  She will not touch fruit.  She eats chips and cheese (nachos), Annie's cheddar bunnies, "bubble slushies" (which is just a lemon slushy I make in the Vitamix), Flinstone vitamins, and Chik Fil A.  She also likes grilled cheese sandwiches.  Basically, anything with cheese she will eat, and fruit-flavored candies and treats.  Not the picture of health, I know.  I buy her Pediasure from time to time, but those things are expensive!  $10 for a 6-pack?!  I just don't know what to do.
Some people say just wait, that if she's hungry enough she will eat anything.  To those people I say that I have tried.  It caused my baby girl to be a 38% on the weight scale to a 12% after I weaned her off breast milk.  It's not like I just started feeding her junk, I eat healthy and I wanted her to eat healthy.  She just wouldn't have it.  It was after this that the doctor put her on Pediasure, because that was truly scary.
Now, my focus is getting calories in her.  I hate that she only eats junk, but it's better than starving!

I have heard that you have to keep offering kids the food, and that eventually they will accept it.  I do this.  I offer her good food all the time... At four years old we are already getting into arguments about healthy food vs. unhealthy food.  She tells me, "Healthy food isn't good for me.  It makes me sick."  I try to tell her that healthy food will keep her from getting sick.  She tells me, "It's not nice."  She then points to whatever junk food it is that she is asking for at the time, telling me, "That's nice."

This fundamental association with junk food being "nice" and healthy food being "not nice" really scares me.  As any healthy person knows, being healthy is nice.  It is nice to treat my body and it is nice to feel and look nice.  When I eat healthy, I feel like I am treating myself and my body.  It makes me happy.  I always feel really sad and depressed after eating junk.  I just don't get it.

I hope this is something that she grows out of.  Lizzie eats fruits all the time.  Vegetables not so much, but if I can mask it with fruit she will eat it.  Lizzie I am not so worried about, she eats a wide variety of things.  They both, though, have major sweet tooths that need to be curbed.  I know that most people have a sweet tooth, but we need to start learning how to satisfy it with fruits and other healthy options before grabbing cake and candy.

I am hoping that she grows out of this.