I am struggling today. I am haunted by yesterday. I just don't care about anything today, and I have no energy. I don't know why I get so mad at the people I love, or why I blame them. I don't know why I can't be perfect at everything, and I don't know why things don't always go my way.

I just got back from spending time with Kristen. She's another mom in the apartment who has a son, Micah, 2 weeks younger than Emma. She also babysits a 5 mo. old, Jackson, during the week. We've been walking for a couple of weeks now. I wasn't able to last week because of Andy being in the hospital, and school and the beach took over this weekend, so it had been a while when I knocked on her door. I didn't even get ready or even put make up on like I usually do. I mean, who really cares?

I feel like a boring person when this wave comes over me. I just don't care about anything, I don't know how to explain it. I get angry at anyone who tries to make me do anything and I resent them for it. I feel bad for the way that I treated Andy yesterday and for not holding Emma all the time. I suppose it's just because she always wants me, never Andy. If I'm in the room, she cries until she gets me, and I never have a break. I want to do things, like sometimes I just want to shut everything out and play mindless games. Only when I'm in this mood, though, and I don't know why I do it. Other times I just want to clean or read a book or work on my garden. It's hard to describe.

Jesus, thank you for the gift of Kristen who wants to go with me to church and has told me about a calvary chapel in the area. Please give me strength today and help me see the value in the people around me. Thank you for what you have done for me, I love you.

Kristen

Herb Garden

I'm growing an herb garden, and it's coming along quite nicely. I have thyme, parsley, dill, basil, cilantro, green onions, and a potato plant! The green onions and potato aren't herbs, obviously, but Andy and I just decided to stick what we bought from the store in the ground, and they grew!

Here are some pictures:

(I can't remember what I have growing in the little pink thing... I tried rosemary, but it didn't grow... this isn't rosemary though... hmmmm.........) (Wishing I knew how to combine these photos using iPhoto or other Mac program...)

I also got these "upsy downsy" (the alternative version to topsy turvy?) tomato and strawberry plants from Wal Mart for just $4 each! Talk about a steal!

Andy won't be able to go with us on the cruise. :( I am deeply saddened by this, because now he's jealous of us and gets mad whenever the subject is brought up. Ahh well, he's going to be able to go to his youngest brother, Shawn's graduation instead. I feel bad not going to Shawn's, but it's practically the same day as David's so I'm sure he'll understand.

Emma started drinking out of a sippy cup yesterday. Sort of... I filled it with water because I knew it would get everywhere. Come to find out, we're a little behind on the introducing of solids. I finally picked up What to Expect the First Year (I hardly read that thing! Definitely not as much as What to Expect When You're Expecting), and it said that we could move on to meat in this month! Meat! My baby girl is growing up so fast.

As of now, she liked bananas and applesauce, and some Gerber dry rice cereal that dissolves on the tongue. It's really fun feeding her, although we need to get a high chair. We've been feeding her in the exer-saucer and in my lap, but the exer-saucer is getting nas-ty! Thank goodness it's easy to clean.

Anyway, school is going well. We're on week 7 of 9 weeks so almost done, yay! What isn't fun is that I'll be starting a couple of new classes after we leave for the cruise, so I'm hoping the internet they have on board is up to par! Can you believe that Andy and my one year anniversary is less than a month away? Yay!

I Qualify for an Amex!

This is a great day in my life. I finally have credit good enough where I was offerred an American Express card. I don't think you know how happy this makes me. I didn't take it, of course. I don't need another credit card lol! It's just to know that I'm a low risk to creditors. Yay :)

Good Things!

Andy was in the hospital from Tuesday to Thursday last week. Emma had a pretty bad reaction to peanut butter and we had to take her to the ER. While there, Andy decided to get the infection on his leg looked at, which turned out to be a staph infection (eek!). He is now better and everyone is OK. Thankfully, Emma didn't ingest any of the peanut butter so it was only a skin reaction. We are now armed with an epi pen and she has an appointment with an allergist.

We miss Daddy terribly while he was in the hospital :( Here's a photo of our skyping. :)

We got new furniture yesterday! Thankfully, since everyone is moving on to their next command, they are selling their furniture to us for super cheap! We got this couch

and this coffee table

for $275 total. Praise the Lord! Everything's coming together so nicely!

Other than that we got to go to Folly Beach today to spend some time with our friends the Decaros. They're leaving next weekend, so it was nice to spend some time with them. It was Emma's first time swimming in the big ocean! She's been to the Pacific ocean before, but didn't really swim in it. Needless to say she didn't like it very much. :(

We'll see if that changes, though! I'm sure it will.

For Aunt Stephanie!!

Reading the menu!

This bed is soft!

All ready for the beach!

Quick update - last weekend we took a trip to Florida for Tony's graduation. It was so fun! We stayed at this nicer than we could afford hotel thanks to Top Secret Hotels and Travelocity.

We drove down on Thursday, stayed for the graduation Friday, met Tony's girlfriend (she's cute!), and spent time with the family the rest of the weekend. We spent time at the beach (who knew our stroller was an off road vehicle?), went to Dave and Buster's (fun!), and just had a good time. Andy was also able to give me another tour of where he used to live, work, and other fun stuff that couples just need to know. Anyway, Emma is really into apples right now... as evidenced by these videos! They seem to be the only thing she likes to eat, plus, she likes to feed herself! She gets it everywhere. I am still trying to figure out how applesauce ended up on her forehead... Enjoy!

Happenings

Emma fell asleep on Daddy.

Already driving! Everyone needs a picture of them driving when they were little.

Finally! A Food Emma Likes!

We fed Emma applesauce a couple of nights ago. She actually liked it! I mean, who doesn't like applesauce? Andy was feeding her while I was freaking out about school, and it was just the cutest thing. She would reach out and grab the spoon and try to feed herself. She is a such a big girl now!