Emma Sophia

Emma is here. She is so perfect. She is so beautiful. We came home on Thursday and have been busy getting used to having her here. :) It is wonderful. She is wearing her ducky outfit right now which is my favorite. Andy got it almost immediately after we found out that I was pregnant. It's sized for a newborn, but is a little big so that the sleeves kind of drape over her little fists.

I've got to go take a shower now, but just wanted to give an update! I'm having issues with the Facebook photo uploader, but if anyone wants pictures, just leave your email address in s comment to this post. (I don't know if anyone reads this anymore!)

Emma Sophia Holan

Fun Times in Charleston

City Lights Coffee

Sermet's Corner

Tonight we went downtown with Roger and Kayla, a couple from the nuke program. We all had a lot of fun. We ate at Sermet's and then had coffee for dessert at City Lights. It was fun to just go downtown and enjoy other people's company. I'm really glad that I've lasted this long, considering that I started dilating 3 weeks ago! Now, if I can just hold out through Monday so that I can see my Aunt... She's coming out for a business trip and it would be the perfect opportunity to see her. I'm sure I would still see her if Emma came, though.

I think my mom wants to be here for the birth. She doesn't get here until Thursday, but she sounded nervous on the phone. It's so funny! I love her.

Anyway... I had this amazing parmesan encrusted salmon with the most de-li-cious mashed potatoes (that's basically what we go to Sermet's for...). And I tried cold cucumber soup. It was basically a plain yogurt soup with chunks of cucumber and cilantro... It would have been better if I didn't have it on an empty stomach. It ended up giving me a stomach ache. :(

Oh, and their bread was a-ma-zing... I don't know what they put in the olive oil... but it really brought out some amazing flavor. Kayla got what I got last time, which was the lavender pork tenderloin = delicious.

Hmmmm... Life is good. Last night Andy and I went on a date to Red Lobster and then we saw Zombieland. I VERY HIGHLY recommend Zombieland!!! It is such a good stress buster! I mean, it was good... It wasn't cheezy at all and actually had a cute love story. You should all go see it!

Anyway, that's what's been happening lately. Tomorrow we have church and then we're having Sam and his wife over for football. We invited the Jones' (Roger and Kayla) too, but we'll see if they come.

The thing I appreciate about them is that they are careful to commit to something. A lot of the other guys who aren't married just say they will come over and do things and then don't commit to actually doing it. Then we end up planning for many more people! It's just rude. I think there is a certain amount of maturity that comes with being married.

Anyway, how has your weekend been so far?

People are so Naive about Pregnancy

So, Andy and Nick's graduation was yesterday. We sat for 4 1/2 hours outside in the sweltering, humid Southern heat. Well, I didn't, all the way at least... Friday I was full term, and you wouldn't believe the response I got from people.

This one girl is sitting in front of me. Now, keep in mind, I have been dreading this day ever since Andy and I got married. Not because I'm not happy for him or don't want to support him, no, but that I have to go back and face old classmates and stuff as a pregnant Navy wife.

Some were happy to see me. It's very interesting to see who your real friends are from a situation like this. One, in particular, revealed himself to be sitting next to me while I was saving seats from some friends. He had been hidden prior to saying, "hello." Let's just say that this wasn't a person I necessarily wanted to see.

"Hey Reinders," he starts... Nevermind that I'm "Holan" now. To the Navy I guess I will always be Reinders.

We continue to make small talk about the program and congratulations and all that. I notice his family is quiet, perhaps listening in on our conversation, but I don't care. Why should that stop me?

So then he starts talking about the baby, and asks how far along I am. "Actually, I'm full-term today." The words don't even seem real to me.

His little sister? cousin? Is sitting at about 11 o'clock in the row in front of me. She turns around, looks me up and down and goes, "You? Full term?" She then proceeds to pick and mock me like a bird, saying things like, "You're not 9 months. More like 4 or 5."

Now, I realize this may sound like a complement in writing or the retelling of this story, but her demeanor and the way she was saying it showed that her intentions were not nice in the least. She couldn't be more than 15, but I wanted to tell her off so bad.

So, I don't say anything, and the rest of the family kind of shies away, pretends I'm not there any more. This was bad enough, but she continued to point and talk really loudly to her family members whenever she saw me. I heard he saying things like, "That girl thinks she's 9 months..." so on and so forth.

It just astounds me the lack of tact some people have.

You know, and this has been a really easy pregnancy. Really easy. I am so blessed. In the beginning, yeah it was a little hard as Andy and I were trying to figure out what we wanted to do, but God is faithful. We have come together through this and I see it as such a blessing. When I learned that Emma would be here within the next couple weeks I would have jumped for joy! (If I could...) Now, I feel ashamed to be pregnant.

People are so naive about pregnancy.

It's like going to Yokosos yesterday to celebrate the graduation. We went with our friend Tim's family, his parents, grandma, and 2 aunts, Nick came, as well as two other friends and their parents, Cory and Evan. It was fun. The food was delicious. They make it right in front of you like Benni Hanna's (sp?).

The conversation very politely steered away from the pregnancy for the majority of the night, which I appreciated. What is it about having a little pooch that everyone supposes this is all you're about? All of a sudden, nothing you lived for before is of any relevance to your being, you are just pregnant. You're just the pregnant wife.

I had people ask me things like, "Are you scared?" which, at the time was a viable question. No, I'm not scared, I said. I think that's why you're given 9 months - to mentally prepare. I am so ready for this. I was scared before I was pregnant, and I was scared in the beginning, but now I know what I have to do. I'm educated, it's not like I don't know what's going to happen.

People are so naive.

I feel like I physically grew so much in one day, I felt like an alien. Whereas before I felt like I was doing a really good job being pregnant. I mean, I'm 9 months and still keeping the house clean, still making dinner and doing dishes and just taking care of everybody. I don't complain. I'm still a person. I would go out with a few of Andy's friends and they knew I was cool because I didn't use it to my advantage, I still want to have fun. It's not like my life's over.

I don't know if I even want to go out again until I have this baby. People are expecting you to go into labor at any moment. If people ask me that I'm going to say, "Actually, yeah, I think I'm going into labor right now. Oh, you might want to move, I might get some on you!"

Freaking stupid people.

The Landlord from Will Ferrell

Emma Desires

SO, now that Emma is a mere 2 weeks away... I have finally come up with an idea for the baby room. Seeing that we won't have it until the 20th, I cannot WAIT to decorate.


I love the idea of a chandelier... Either in the center for lighting or over her crib as a makeshift mobile. I'm actually curious to see how it turns out... She might develop a fettish for "shiny things," lol. I don't like the idea of a bed in there. The designer of this room intends the bed for her daughter when she grows up, but seeing that a) Emma's crib turns into a bed, and b) we won't be here longer than 6 or 7 months, I could do without the bed. Also, it's a small space and we need room for the glider rocker :)

I am lovin' these shoes from ivoryandmoss:



Well, that's all for now. Hope you all are doing well!
Blessings,
Kristen H.

The Trunk of Forgiveness

I've been thinking about forgiveness a lot lately. Ok, so maybe it's only been a couple hours, but it's been through these times that I spend with God that he's revealed to me a giant tree trunk that I have/had in my eye. And that is the trunk of forgiveness.

I've been struggling with feelings of inadequacy lately. The devil is constantly in my ear, in my mind, reminding me of every failure, every fear. He reminds me of all the jobs I've had that I've lost, all the "good friends" supposedly that I wasn't good enough for, and even, most recently, getting kicked out of the Navy.

Ok, so I didn't get "kicked out..." It just felt like it. When you get down to the nitty gritty it was my decision that got me out, otherwise I would probably be chipping paint on some destroyer down in the Philippines.

Back to what I was saying, though. This has been a time of awareness. It is a time of reflection. God has given me this time by myself to kind of take a sabbatical. I remember being at Biola and seeing a computer-printed sign on one particular Bible instructor's door that said "Sabbatical - Gone until next month" or something along those lines. I remember being soo jealous of him... Just wishing I could give up my tests and papers and stress for a month long retreat with my Lord.

It seems like we have to make time sometimes. A couple weeks ago I was struggling with the decision of whether or not to take a leave of absence to have Emma Sophia. Andy wanted me to, I mean he comps today (yay!) Comp is a comprehensive review of the last 6 months of learning... It's high stress. Nevermind the three finals they had last week... If you fail this, you fail the whole thing. On the other hand, though, if you pass and graduate, you get the first little chunk of your bonus, which, for Andy will be $4,000. (Praise the LORD?!)

Haha, ok. So, back to what I was saying... I really feel like I need to forgive the people who have hurt me in my life. God revealed to me the story of Joseph and I really felt like this was the message He had for me. That even though things look dark and dreary, even though you've been not only abandoned but betrayed by those who were supposed to love you, that does not give you the right to give up. God has wonderful beautiful promises for me. I still remember the vision He gave me. I am standing backstage on a very large stage with red, velvet curtains. I am on the side, and I peek through to see a giant crowd clapping and just addimate with praise. And I walk out on the stage. Whenever I think about what I want to do with my life, I always come back to this picture. It is a vision. It is a promise.

Anyway, through my reading of the Joseph story (it's in Gen. 20, if you're wondering) I noticed a phrase kept coming up, and that was that "the LORD was with Joseph." Now, this might be the main difference between Joseph and I that I can find. Notice, as soon as he was sold to Potiphar - his first stop on the trail! - he becomes successful. He almost has this Midas touch, everything he touches prospers.

Hmmm, I think. So, I have had times where life is amazing. That time when I modeled, yeah. That was amazing. We even had a show at the Wang Theatre in Boston, MA that resembled much the theatre in my vision.

It was easy to join the Navy... Again, it was a group who saw potential in me and wanted to pay to fly me somewhere and give me a job, and they were going to give me a $20,000 bonus! nevermind that I never really liked math or science... (Or, the application of it) They were willing to pay me the big bucks!

It's so funny to hear people talk like that now. You should have seen my class in indoc (the indoctrination period when you get to base before they allow you in the building to begin study).

Straight out of boot camp, we thought we were set. "I'm going to buy a (fill-in-the-blank-with-nice-car-here)... I'm going to buy a house... Basically, I'm going to be a pimp."

yeah, or so we thought.

The truth is, you should never count your eggs before they hatch. Although this is not in the Bible and does not have universal application, it should help out with those who are greedy for gain. :)

Forgiveness... blah. I keep going off subject. The truth is, I'm not very good at forgiveness. Unless Christ brings it to the forefront of my consciousness, I forget about it and don't really give it much heed. Ok, so there's one (bows head in prayer and asks to forgive said person). Aaaah, feels so much better.

The fact is, Christ says that if you cannot forgive your brother, how can He forgive you? He even says that He won't... for blocking the flow of the Spirit of God through unforgiveness simply doesn't get you soaked in the blood! It's like a river, and it's coming for you, but if you make a dam through your own issues... Sorry!

Anyway, I know that we've been hurt and that we want to feel validated. It's hard sometimes to know that people are against you or that they're judging you. This often taints our whole perspective about a person or place. It often taints our whole day. We must lay these things aside and asks what really matters, the opinion of this person? Or true intimacy and peace with God.

Also... everybody is going to Hell and what are you going to do about it? Next :)